January

Well so far this month has been pretty busy. With all of the wedding planning it seems like there is still so much to do. I also turn 27 in 5 days! I am actually freaking out about it a little. I am all that much closer to 30 and I really have no accomplished much....Oh well, I refuse to dwell on that :o) Riley is 10 days away from her 4th birthday as well. I am REALLY freaking out about that! It doesnt seem possible that I have a 4 year old daughter. Hopefully the stork will be kind to us this year and we will have a new baby in time for next year :o)

Riley is sick right now, I have had to stay home from work the last couple of days. I wish I was happy about it, but sadly I am not...I wish I could have worked, we need the money right now. To much crap to pay for...
I am just hoping she gets better, she has had a super high fever for two days, and terrible congestion and coughing. I have been worried sick about her....She seems to feel better during the day and then get ill at night. She is fine so far tonight, but we will see how it goes.

Well so much for the update, I am going to run. I need to work on my tan and the neighbor wants to go with, so I will write more later!

Feeling Overwhelmed?

Ya, me too! I keep trying to get caught up on my house work, work work, and everything else that goes along with daily life after the holidays. I just cant seem to juggle everything throw my way lately. Today things just all came at me at once. I was off work by noon but I got home and saw the 8 full loads of laundry that needed to be washed, dried, folded, and then put away. It just reminded me that even though the last few days I have been off work early, and I have came home and done daily chores around the house I have barely made a dent in the work. It frustrates me to no end! Mostly because it seems I am the only one who is doing the work. I know Andy has helped me a little but it just makes me feel like he isnt when I have so much to do. Anyways, at least I got all of the laundry done, well for the most part anyways. I am to tired to do anything else tonight. Ok well I am going to sign off, I just needed to vent a bit.

New Year, New Me!

Well I admit, I have been hiding from blogging for awhile. I have now decided since it is a new year it is also time to start over. The last year was pretty rough on me and on my family and it is time for me to get out of my rut and have a great 2010!

I have so much going on this year, a wedding to plan, a move to be made, a job change...Just to name a few...and I am excited for all of it!

Anyways, here is to a new year and to starting over!

Just not right...

I dont even know how to explain things right now except they are just not right....
I have been having a horrible time with things lately and I cant seem to get over stuff. I have been very angry lately. Not only with normal stuff but I just cant seem to get over losing the baby. I have really tried to not be jelous of ALL my friends who are pregnant and who have just had babies and I seem to do well with it most of the time but I do not seem to be able to completely get over this. I am glad that I have not have had to many depressed moments but the angry and jelous moments are the ones that are killing me. I feel bad about the way I feel. I think I am going to try and get into some counselling from work. Hopefully that will help me out with this. I do feel better now that I am able to write this all down and get it out.

I have other issues to deal with as well. Andy has been really terrible lately. I swear he thinks that I am his maid. He has not been helpful around the house at all recently. When I have talked with him about he helps for the day and then he goes right back to the same crap. I finally got really mad at him this past weekend and told him how I felt again. Of course he was a bit more helpful, but he makes a huge show of it. He thinks that since I get home earlier than him I should be fine with picking up his messes, doing his dishes, laundry and cooking his food. All he has been doing is coming home, eating, playing on his dang computer and then going to the garage to work out. MOstly he is playing on the computer whish is really annoying since he is hooked on some stupid computer game for a 8 year old. I just said screw it and he is sleeping in the spare room. I have had enough of the talking till I am blue in the face, now I will just let him stay in the spare room till I am not irriatated anymore. Who knows how long that will be though since I didnt speak to him all weekend until late last night and was just barely, and he messed up again this morning. It was really stupid too... I had some cash in my wallet and he took it without asking like he always does, and then he denied it. He was the only one who could have done it so why lie about it?? I would have given him the money anyways if he had just asked but of course he has to be all shady about it. Its stupid and I am sick of his childishness as well.

OK well I feel somewhat better now that I have written everything down. I will talk to you again soon.

Life goes on.....

Well this last month has not gone well for us.... We ended up losing our baby..... There was something wrong from the beginning which I knew...it just took the doctors forever to figure it out. Anyways, its been a rough time for us but we are doing ok now. Well I am anyways... I keep trying to tell myself it happened for a reason but I am still jelous when I see all my friends having babies or getting pregnant. I am trying really hard to get over that, but it is difficult for me. Well thats all I have to say right now I guess, I know its shocking right :o)

7 weeks

Well this weekend we officially hit the 7 week mark, or so they say....
Things have been sooo hectic lately its not even funny! Work has sucked since so many people have been on vacation and out sick. It has really taken a tole on me and my body, I am super tired. Today was the first day I actually threw up. It was terrible! I have been sick the entire time but today I couldnt handle it and I barfed my guts out before I left for work. I was sick all morning. I got home kinda early and I tried to take a nap but of course that didnt work out for me, so now I am on here trying to think of something to make for dinner and edging closer and closer to take out as the hours tick by....
Did get some interesting news yesterday though.. Andy's sister is also pregnant. She is 14 weeks and just now chose to tell us. Who knows why, I am sure she had something dramatic planned like waiting till she had the kid before telling us it was theirs, but who knows.
Anyways, we are still super duper excited for this baby and I pray to god the next 7 months hurrys up!
Oh I almost forgot!! Our friends had their baby girl yesterday! They named her Anna and she is just sooo cute! I cant wait to go see her, maybe this weekend.
Ok well time to go, SO just texted to say he has to go to Seattle tonight so its just us girls for dinner, I think I will get Chinese.....

A little dissapointed.....

Well today was my first apt with the nurse and I am not very happy. The nurse wanted me to have an ultrasound so she was able to get me in right away and they didnt see ANYTHING. Well I guess the saw the "sac" but that was it. The u/s tech seems to think that I am just at 5 weeks. I know this is not possible since I know the few times exactly that we were "together". Anyways, they checked my blood level and said that they will have the results back in a couple of days and not to worry or stress, yea right!! She said they were not worried at all because the "sac" was perfect looking and everything else was normal. It is just so discouraging to see the little sac with nothing there....
I did talk with a couple of nurse friends who said that it is completely normal to not see anything at 5 weeks and that if I had lost the baby then my pregnancy symptoms should have gone away. I guess its a good thing I was still sick as hell this morning and my ta ta's hurt like nobodys business, at least thats a good sign. I felt sooo bad though, Andy came with me and it really sucked for him tobe so excited and then be let down. I dont want to talk about it either, so I guess we will just wait for a couple of days and see if my blood test results show all is ok.

God I hope so.....